Primary

I might be kind of rambling... but... read and it'll get to a point. ;)

Last week at church an older woman gave a talk. 

She stated that in all of her life she loved to teach children.

She tried to be an elementary teacher, but when that fell through, she became a Primary teacher and that was her new found love.

The way she taught best and felt most comfortable was when she talked to her Primary children so that is what she did up there to all of the people in sacrament. 

At first I thought 'what in the world??'

But soon after she explained why exactly she loved Primary so much and it clicked with me.

Songs in Primary are simple and down to the point. They teach the children exactly what is meant to be taught. She sat up there and sang a song about faith and it really hit home for me.

I have always believed in Heavenly Father, although I have never been religious or been able to learn much about any spiritual or religious act. 

For a long time now, I have had the desire to learn about the Church. I have dipped my toe in a couple of times but nothing too big. Met with missionaries, gone to Sacrament, prayed for a few days. But then it faded and I let the thought of "a busy life" distract me from my desire.

About two months ago, I started following a girl on instagram. Every day she posted a scripture and talked about what it meant. It really helped me to have a certain thing to pray about every day. I felt like I actually had to find something to relate to that scripture so that I could talk to Heavenly Father and I was able to stay dedicated! It felt SO good and I looked forward to that time of prayer. And I still do. :)

After a while of dedicated prayer, I noticed such a change in the way I felt all around.

I felt calm.

I felt peaceful and confident.

I felt reassured that Heavenly Father has a plan and no matter how I react to life and the trials that it brings, His plan is so much more than I can imagine and He would never leave me to deal with something alone. All I have to do is talk to Him!

When this woman sang a sweet and simple song about faith, and spoke of just how simple you can define that word... It brought on so many emotions and I felt like I was being reassured that I am on the right path. Just a couple of days before, I was speaking of how for the first time in my life, I feel like I can truly trust God. I have Faith in Him and His plan. And it was so simple to do the things that I have chosen to do and it led me to these calm and peaceful feelings...

Today we attended church again. I sat through sacrament and was sick the entire time. I tried so hard to pay attention and feel the spirit but all I could think was that I was going to pass out. About 20 minutes in, Jax went to the bathroom. He had been gone for a good 20 minutes when we decided to go find him. Marcus found him in the bathroom playing with a couple of other boys. M told him it was unacceptable and he behaved the rest of sacrament. I was proud of him for doing so well. I decided to take Jackson to Primary and not go to my class. I felt bad, and I was really looking forward to going to Relief Society for the first time but I couldn't imagine having to sit any longer. (Yes, I need to get this baby out...!) When Primary was over, I walked and talked with Jackson... I asked him what he learned today. (This was his first time in Primary in our ward. By the way.) 

He showed me his paper and it said-

That paper impacted me SO much!

I told Jackson what that meant to me and explained how I felt about it. I told him that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes we make bad choices but we can ask for forgiveness and Heavenly Father will continue to love us no matter what.. as should anyone else! Judgement and anger should not be held against anyone.

I spent the entire day with my Family and thought about the lesson Jackson learned in Primary and how much I really needed to see that... 

I never got to go to Primary when I was little and it is amazing to me that for the last 2 weeks I have felt so much spirit and learned so much from such simple lessons.

I'm so grateful for the path that I've chosen and I know that as I continue to do the things that I am, I will continue to learn and feel all of these amazing things!

Having faith has brought me so much... I never realized what a big word that is. It can be made SO simple for children to understand but it is truly SO big. 

It's amazing for my heart to feel SO full, SO calm, SO loving, and today for my heart to bring in patience and unconditional love for myself, my kids, my boyfriend, and every one else.

I think maybe I should go sit in Primary every Sunday... simple lessons are filling my heart! :)