My life is a flippin' roller coaster. Up, down, that way, this way. Things have been pretty... extravagant lately. I'm lovin' it. But today is just one of those days where I could pull all of my hair out and run away.
I'm frustrated with the hand that I've been dealt.
I hate doing this "pity" thing.. because first of all, I really do love my life. I'm very grateful for my blessings. I'm a pretty happy chick. I know that I'm strong enough to handle my shit. I have grown a lot in the last year, and I'm honestly alright with my life- my mediocre job, the bills flyin out of my ass and no money to cover cuz I was too busy to water the money tree. {It's true, if you want your plant killed, I can do the job. ;)}
I know I've been a single Mom of two for almost an entire year.. and I don't expect it to be any different than it is.. but it's HARD. It's rewarding, but frustrating. I love it, but I hate it. I just don't feel like I'm alright with it somedays... and that's gotta be okay- okay not to be okay? :/
I am constantly running, running, running and my anxiety is sky rocketing at this point in time. It's hard to even have cake and ice cream without my insides freaking out. {and I'm sure if you ask the people around me, my outsides are freaking out as well.} I just want to be able to chill and enjoy my surroundings and I have no idea how to do that right now. I don't know if I should get a book for help, see a doctor... NO. CLUE. I'm always flustered and then it makes me late... which makes me even crazier. And I feel so horrible because I blame it on having two kids. I think to myself that it's because Jackson stays up late so he is slow getting ready in the mornings.. or Jentri is throwing a fit every morning.. and that leads me to being extremely frustrated and completely sick and tired of having no help with them. BUT- that isn't ever going to change. My kids are little people too... it's not their "problem" that their Mommy has anxiety about every damn thing in life. And whether I like it or not, I'm a single Mom. I have to make the best of it. I can be 'sick' of it all I want... but it is what it is and I need to cope with it in a way that makes life a little better for both of my kids and I, and the people around me.
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Sick of day care, sick of driving, sick of leaving, sick of staying, sick of my dirty house, sick of being soo broke, sick of bein alone.. even though I'm not, just siiiick of it allllll. And today, I'm gonna let myself be. Tomorrow... I'll be golden.
I'm frustrated with the hand that I've been dealt.
I hate doing this "pity" thing.. because first of all, I really do love my life. I'm very grateful for my blessings. I'm a pretty happy chick. I know that I'm strong enough to handle my shit. I have grown a lot in the last year, and I'm honestly alright with my life- my mediocre job, the bills flyin out of my ass and no money to cover cuz I was too busy to water the money tree. {It's true, if you want your plant killed, I can do the job. ;)}
I know I've been a single Mom of two for almost an entire year.. and I don't expect it to be any different than it is.. but it's HARD. It's rewarding, but frustrating. I love it, but I hate it. I just don't feel like I'm alright with it somedays... and that's gotta be okay- okay not to be okay? :/
I am constantly running, running, running and my anxiety is sky rocketing at this point in time. It's hard to even have cake and ice cream without my insides freaking out. {and I'm sure if you ask the people around me, my outsides are freaking out as well.} I just want to be able to chill and enjoy my surroundings and I have no idea how to do that right now. I don't know if I should get a book for help, see a doctor... NO. CLUE. I'm always flustered and then it makes me late... which makes me even crazier. And I feel so horrible because I blame it on having two kids. I think to myself that it's because Jackson stays up late so he is slow getting ready in the mornings.. or Jentri is throwing a fit every morning.. and that leads me to being extremely frustrated and completely sick and tired of having no help with them. BUT- that isn't ever going to change. My kids are little people too... it's not their "problem" that their Mommy has anxiety about every damn thing in life. And whether I like it or not, I'm a single Mom. I have to make the best of it. I can be 'sick' of it all I want... but it is what it is and I need to cope with it in a way that makes life a little better for both of my kids and I, and the people around me.
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Sick of day care, sick of driving, sick of leaving, sick of staying, sick of my dirty house, sick of being soo broke, sick of bein alone.. even though I'm not, just siiiick of it allllll. And today, I'm gonna let myself be. Tomorrow... I'll be golden.
you are always golden my dear; annnd you have every right to have bad days. im here if you need to vent some more. wub you.
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