Blah.

Blah.

That's how I feel today.

I'm emotionally exhausted when it comes to love. I'm just done with it. It's hard to find someone with a good heart these days. Well maybe there are still good hearts.. but not ones that mesh with mine! Sooo discouraging. I meet so many people but nothing comes from it. Maybe karma is a biaaatch and from me getting divorced after such a short time I'm getting pay back? Lol. It's really not a joke. I think about that every day. W.T.F...
On Friday night I saw this couple fighting.. they were being so mean to each other. IN PUBLIC! I wanted to walk over and be like HEY... you have something that a LOT of people dream of... so quit taking advantage of it! Ha. Seriously.

A little while ago someone from my past contacted me and to be completely honest, I was excited about it. I missed this person and what we had before. Anyway, we talked and hung out and it was GREAT! And then 'they' quit talking to me again. Which I completely understand!!! I wasn't pissed. Just a little hurt. This person already had a SITUATION and I wasn't expecting to get involved with that... but I got the wrath of the whole deal! I acted like it didn't bother me but I'm sick of pretending... it does bother me. I get that people make mistakes, but why am I the mistake?! I want him to be happy- of course. But I just don't get why people have no compassion for other people's feelings. NOT only MINE either... what about hers? I feel like I get blamed for EVERYTHING bad that happens! I've had my heart broken- I wouldn't intentionally do something to hurt someone else. I try my best... sometimes when you think something is going to make you happy, you just go for it right? I guess it's wrong. I don't freakin' know. :/

I do my everything to make the people in my life happy. I really do. Sometimes I might not be the best at it... but it's exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I should get someone who cares in return, ya know? I focus my attention on a solitary person and devote my time and energy towards them... just to get slapped in the face! I know my kids won't ever turn their backs on me... which is a reassuring feeling. I love them, and I know they are all I need. But still... I just don't get why or how people can fool someone that cares about them. Including my kids.

I feel stuck at this point in my life. I am going to start school and open an Etsy to sell bows and hopefully these two things give me some couragement and take me somewhere. I'm sick of this lingering feeling. I've lost good people, because of my mistakes. And I feel like they are all catching up to me! All I want is a happy little family... and it looks like it's up to me to make that happen for my kiddos and I. But some days are harder than others... and I guess today is one of those.