Day 3;

Your view on alcohol and drugs.

I have my list of pros and cons for alcohol.
When I look at the people in my life that have been affected by alcohol, I feel that I should be opposed to drinking. My Dad was a drug addict, and became an alcoholic when he routed to the 'clean' road. Aside from having Hepatitus C, alcohol obviously wasn't the best medicine for his liver. As a little girl, I remember big fights between my parents over alcohol, or situations that arose because of alcohol. They didn't just argue, either. At some point, he quit getting 'drunk', but he still drank and later died from Hep. C and Cirrhosis of the liver. My Grandpa, drank at least 4 glasses of whiskey, straight, every day. He was a responsible alcoholic(such thing?). He never slacked because he was drunk. He was always on his A Game. Whether it be for his daughter, grandkids, animals, or his home. He was capable of doing anything, and you are damn right he would be there, on time, to do it. I can only imagine the trauma and withdrawals his body/mind went through when he became to ill to drink his daily dose. As much as I disliked his choices for his health- it broke my heart to see him uncapable of having his glass of whiskey and a cigarette. That was just him. My Grandma, I never believed she could handle her alcohol. She drank just like my G did. Along with my heart aching over my parents fighting, it broke my heart to see her passed out at the dinner table because she drank too much. But again, she was a loving drunk. Something needed sewn, costumes for school or halloween, or an outfit, she was on it within the hour. No one ever went a birthday without a home baked cake. I still remember her delicious green beans and ham. MMMM. Every morning, we woke to cinnamon biscuits cooking and a Grandma telling us to get the hell out of bed. She was always there to fix my hair, fix me breakfast, and make sure I got to school on time. She was always bitching about something, and then she'd tell me I had the most beautiful voice and I needed to get into singing lessons. Can't tell whether to take that to offense or a compliment. Lol. She was a dedicated employee to soelbergs for many years. Needless to say, I miss all three of these people. My Mom brought another alcoholic into our family, he stayed for 8 years. He lost an amazing family because of drinking. That is his life. He chose alcohol over us. It hurt, and still does.
I refuse to drink in front of my children. I will never leave an imprint of an alcoholic on their lives. I am an occasional drinker, and I'll never take it further than that.

Drugs - different story.
I won't say that I haven't had my experiences with drugs. Because I have. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about. I was stupid. I wanted it to be recreational, but as time went on, I realized it was much more than that. Luckily, I could get myself out. It took a lot of cold and lonely days to realize that I was on the wrong road. The days and nights of these times taught me so much. I wouldn't be who I am today, if it weren't for these experiences. I felt loved, lost, hated, amazing, warm, cold, careless, numb and probably every other emotion in the book. I think I wasted a lot of money, time, and feelings period. I think of the little details in the journey that I took... I think of the times I've seen family members hurt because of this... I think of all of my friends and family that have suffered from addictions, lives have ended, some have lost everything but their lives... I look at my kids, who I can't imagine my life without and I would never want them to have to imagine their lives without their Mama. I know that I will forever be clean from drugs.
In this case, I lived and I learned and all I can hope is that my children choose to trust and stay away from the awful truths of a dirty life style.