Ya get what ya get and ya don't throw a fit!

I am back on the mind running constantly kick. Can't eat, sleep, or keep a dry eye. I can't speak (or hear) your name without literally getting nauseous. I am hurt that you so easily moved on with your life. Leaving us behind with nothing but love to live on. As much as I cry, get sick, sigh because I'm exhausted- I will be honest and say that I do not need your help. I am at the strangest point in my life. I am balancing on the edge of cliff strong, but so close to falling into a big ocean of weak. I never imagined I would be where I am today. In both strong, and weak ways. I have two children, alone. It is the hardest, but most amazing thing I have ever done. I tuck them into bed at night and sit on my cold sheets until 4 or 5am. (Lately I have been reminded that tears are endless!) One job isn't cutting it for us anymore- so I'm off to find another. I give up on counting on any help outside of my mama and Lisa. Seriously don't know what I would do without them. I am literally scraping pennies... Can't even afford groceries. It makes my heart ache so much. It's just crazy to me that there are mothers(and fathers) out there that do absolutely nothing and they can get all the help from the State that they need. Rent, Groceries, Insurance. But God forbid they help out a single mama that is actually trying to make something of her life. I realize that griping about my struggles isn't going to change the fact. Sometimes it just has to be done. Do you ever think about us? Us= The babies and I- the ones you were so head over heels for. Or us= the relationship that we threw away with nothing more than a call you tomorrow and months later still no phone call. I know that it is over and this is just a phase, but geebus, I just want a little faith, hope, and love to get me off this ledge.

PS: Either someone is too close, or someone is too far away. And my judgement might possibly be out of whack- considering that on my way home from lunch today, some asshole in a flat bed hooked to a 20ft flat bed trailer took down my license plate number for misjudging his distance behind me! EEEK! Maybe I should just meet myself in the middle and take a long walk to the "farrest" and hibernate for a while. Except my new sleep schedule would kind of defeat the purpose of hibernation...

Hey, it's whatever!