A 'friend' and I were conversing a little about marriage/relationships/maybe-some-flirtish-flings and I can't quit wondering about this....
LUST: An emotion that is directly associated with the thinking or fantasizing about one's desire.. usually in a sexual way.
LOVE: An emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection.
Sure, you meet some one and can instantly become intrigued by their
-) Looks
-) Voice
-) Laugh
-) Humor
-) Intelligence
-) Class
-) Morals
-) Their all around human being.
...do those interests fade?
How do you know when it's the right person? Obviously the right person isn't the girl (or guy) that you took home last night, after your first conversation and drink. I'm talking the one you'll spend your life, feelings, home, food, children, holidays, bed(etc.) with. The one that you took time to see and feel their being and enjoyed doing it. Anyone can be in love. It's not that hard to convince yourself. But how do you honestly know that this is the person you will love for your whole life? Someone that understands everything you say or do. The person you can easily laugh, cry, talk, and just BE with. You see people like this-
And you can just tell they are still so madly in love with each other. [CUTE right? :)] After years and years of romance, bad luck, good luck, children, grandchildren, homes, jobs, money, heartaches, tears of happiness, amazement, and boredom?So this is the question... how do you stay so intrigued with someone that it lasts 10, 20, 50 (or more) years? Because I know that everyone gets bored sometimes. With food, movies, a style, or people. When it is that perfect match, does it just happen that way- you may get bored but the love you share for each other just out weighs any thing else? Or do you wait to marry the person that doesn't bore you? If so, how long do you wait before you declare such a BIG thing? ;)
Is there a person out there for each and every individual that fits your personality, mind, soul, and heart so perfectly that you could talk for 10 hours straight (give or take) a day (or hell, live with!) and never get bored of the conversations about absolutely nothing? And if there is- does it begin this way and last, or do you have to grow to be this way?
I don't think there is a person that has been married 50+ years that will actually read this and respond. But I would still like your input on it. I know there are singles, and couples with 1, 2, 5, maybe 10 year anniversaries that have a little knowledge or opinion on the matter. Or even those of you who are seperated/divorced.
Tell me, how did you know your spouse was the one for you? And what has kept you on your toes all these years? I know it's not always rainbows and butterflies... so what has kept you holding on through the good and bad times? And for the others, what was the fault line that took away the sureness of love in your relationship or marriage?
I think about this everyday. My parents were married for 20 years before they got divorced so honestly, I am terrified. I love my husband more than anything in the world, but I sometimes wonder if EVERYONE loves their husband that much (even those who don't last.) I have recently come to a conclusion... If it weren't going to work out, you would know early on. My mom has told me there were major signs within the first few MONTHS that it wasn't a healthy relationship. And the MAIN thing I have come to realize is that the "in love" phase fades away for everyone. Whether it's after a few months or it takes a year or two. The truth is that while you're dating, you always bring your A game. You ALWAYS look your best and you ALWAYS make sure you say the right thing. But with time, you get so comfortable in your relationship with someone, that you start really being yourself. So if I could tell every couple ONE piece of advice, it's to wait until the "in love" stage is gone before you tie the knot. Just to make sure you love the PERSON, not just the way they treat you in the beginning. Then, once you KNOW you love them for the person they are (good and bad) you need to accept the fact that things will get boring, and even the best realtionships take WORK. I am always reading marriage books and doing these stupid little 30 day marriage things to keep the fire burning. Honestly, a successful relationship is a CHOICE. It doesn't just come on it's own. You have to work for it everyday, and if you choose a GOOD person and you put in the work, it will be SO worth it.
ReplyDeleteWow, soap opera right? Haha this is just one thing that I am very passionate about. My marriage is my most prized possession. And I know you will find that Jaq. Just be patient and wait until you find the person who is going to treat you like a princess!! Cuz you deserve it!
even though garrett and i have only been married for 2 years, we dated for 5 years before we were married. The only thing i can tell you about how you know is you cannot STAND to be away from that person, even after seven years! They are our best friend and they make you want to be a better person. your love grows more and more every day and you neve thought you could love someone as much as you do. I don't have kids but i guess for you it would be like that. you cant live without your kids and they make you want to be a better person. There will always be hard times. every couple fights. Romance is important but romance can also fade so my best advice is to find someone who is your best friend!
ReplyDeleteFor me, I met Jake while in high school. And we all know that high school love is looked at as just flattery or infatuation. Truth is, I knew I loved Jake the moment we were together and started talking, but when I really truly knew I was going to marry him was when he was on his mission and we were seperated. It was HARD, and we had a lot to go through in those two years. I knew he was the one because I could tell him anything or do anything around him and he either laughed at my wierdness or he understood the things I had been through. He was genuine. Does life get boring sometimes? Sure, but that is sometimes my best moments with Jake because it allows me to fall in love with him all over again because I realize that being bored with him is so much fun. I believe every couple is different. You're going to find those couples who grow old and love each other at the age of 90 with the same spark in their eyes as they had when they were 17, and then you will find the couple where they love each other, but love just seems to not be enough. Love to me is how you deal with it. Love takes work, it takes support, it takes laughter, it takes friendship, and it takes trust. I guess one of the reasons I know Jake and I will always be together is that he is my best friend. We act like best friends. We laugh, we play, we shop, we argue, we have different interests, but the same interests at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I am making any sense, but all in all, I think that everyone has someone out there worth loving, and everyone is worth being loved.
And as for knowing if he's the one: When you know you know. You can actually see yourself laying your own life down for that person. And you can't see yourself without that person. You just know. It's hard to explain because it's a feeling of excitment, and terror all at the same time because you don't know whether you want to scream in happiness because you found the person you want to be with or you want to cry because you're so scared you'll lose them one day. You'll know when it happens though, trust me.
Sorry for the novel...ha ha ha