I often sit back and think of the right and wrong I've done in the past 3 years and try to counsel myself to learn from it all. I have (for the most part)kept a full time job to create a stable income to support Jackson, which to be completely honest and most of you probably already know this, it's not the easiest. I have had days where I just want to stay home and snuggle my baby boy all day, and paint water pictures, plant flowers, watch spongebob, take baths and make lots of bubbles, ya know? But that's not realistic. A single mother needs to work a full time job and take on the responsibility that she so willingly and excitingly took on. I had Jax when I was 15, so it's a given that being single I am going to try to finish my childhood. I, personally, feel that I have done a good job in the way I take care of my son. He has an amazing personality, he is healthy, smart, active, sweet, loving, and with all those good things also come the not so lovely things such as anger, and attitude *i get what i want!* because he has two whole different families spoiling him during the short week that they have him. But all in all, he is a very good kid. He will go some place far if he sets his mind to it, and I will encourage that. I have gone through trials in my life that I never would have thought to go through. Especially the ones that I could have controlled. I get down on myself every once in a while about 'why would you believe that?' or 'why would you say that?' and it's not a good patch to be sitting on. I know that my son will thank me some day for giving him a good life.. But what is a good life? Having a home to be sheltered under(whether it is your Grandma's or your own), having food and juice in the refridgerator at all times, never having to sit in a dirty diaper, never smelling dirty or feeling dirty, being able to cry and have your mama hold you and assure you that everything IS GONNA BE OKAY, having toys to play with and books to read, having a night light so you can watch the fish swim until you fall asleep, having furry blankets to cuddle, having markers to color with(preferably not on the walls...but okay...you win...), being able to hear the words
I LOVE YOU
every possible moment..
of every possible day..
in every possible way..
knowing that it's really
forever & always
and no matter what..
no chance..
no misery..
no crime of yours
can do this mothers love away.
I know I can't give much material at this time in our lives, but we'll make it. The love we share and the bond we have and the joys that come when it's just him and I........We'll make it through any journey God sends our way. :)
Mommy loves you, Jackson Hunter. Thanks for saving my soul, my mind, my heart, and my life. :)
"A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel so nothing can harm you."
- Irish Blessing
Great Post Jaq! You know your words are very well put, it is not being a Mom in any aspect, let alone a single Mom, let alone at an age when sometimes you still want to be doing what some of your friends are doing. Today in our relief society our Bishop was talking to us and he said, you all are mothers, or will be mothers and that job is one of the most unrecognized jobs out there. It is very often over looked and not very often do you ever get told Thank You! So Jaquie I am going to tell you Thank you! Thank you for raising my nephew and thank you for loving him and showing him how life works and all the fun things that are out there. Thank you for working so hard to keep a job so you can give him a home and juice and food and books and clothes and any thing else he might need. Thank you for being a great sister and for being a great daughter! :)
ReplyDeleteI often think to myself that I don't know how single Mom's do it because there are days where I think to myself I can't do this, how on earth do single moms. So thank you for being so strong and so determind to suceed at Motherhood and life! Love ya sis! can't wait for our girls day!!