Almost exactly one year ago, I was feeling scared. I was afraid of being in this position. I was able to convince myself that it wouldn't be this way. I'm not regretful in my decisions, but it's making me feel numb and empty. I am strong, and I won't let anything or anyone get me down. But this is hard. Harder than I imagined. I'm working full time, taking Jentri with me, and Jax goes to day care. How do I pay day care at the beginning of the week, when I don't get paid until the end? I am strapped. I am trying so hard to get on my feet and have some EM savings, but it's just hard. I'm thankful for Jackson's Dad. He helps me with what he can. Although I miss my boy on the weeks he is there, it does give me a little breather. He pays for half of everything, and if he didn't.. I have no idea what I would do. And I have no idea what I'm going to do when the baby has to start going to day care. It's any where from $400-$600, just for her! KILL ME! Her SD moved to Indianapolis, with no goodbye to the girl. I'm not surprised, but I am disgusted. She is getting so big and beautiful, and he's missing out on it all. We have talked a couple times since he left, but haven't heard from him in almost 2 weeks. I'm sure he hopped into the fun lane and forgot about us over here. It would be nice for me to be able to shrug my shoulders and say HEY, we don't need you anyway! But some days I feel like we do.
There are many people around me that show how much they love and care about my little family and I honestly don't know what I would do without them! I know I can do hard things... so I'm going to stick it out and soon enough I will be standing on the tallest mountain with my two babies and we will be enjoying the people that have stood by our sides through these trials. :)
Sorry. I'm feeling down. Just needed to vent about it a little.
You should consider getting a nanny. I just started doing that for a family and you can find someone you trust, the kids can be in their own house with their own toys, you can get a nanny that will do schooling stuff with Jackson, too. And you can set up when you pay them, how much you pay them and that will probably help you a lot! Just think about it! :) You are doing great, Jaq! Don't worry!
ReplyDeleteAwh keep your chin up lil' lady.. We will be there in a few months;) Haha. Like that really makes anything better haha! But really.. You are incredible! Things will all fall into place. And on a side note.. It's April.. Wasn't April.. The month? Text me!
ReplyDeleteOh and I forgot.. Jareds a douche!
ReplyDelete